I have a lot of thoughts right now.
I feel like a broken record. But maybe that’s because I’ve been going back and forth on this for a long time and talking about it on social media for months now.
I don’t want to be a blogger anymore.
There. I said it.
At least, not in the traditional sense. Clearly I’m here aren’t I? I’m writing, you’re reading—this is blogging. But even now looking at the first few posts I’ve done on this blog it just feels so fake and so not me. That’s why you haven’t heard from me in a while. I needed to step back.
My life lately has been revolving around work, and when I come home, I do nothing. It’s absolutely wonderful. I’ve been spending less time on social media (albeit, the same amount of time taking selfies. Sue me.) and at work the other day I told one of my coworkers “I used to be a blogger.”
Somehow, pitting it all in past-tense like that was so liberating.
My friends from Phoenix, Thania and Jose, came to visit this past weekend for the Gem Show and we spent a lot of time talking about being a content creator. We talked a lot about finding that balance between keeping it real and authentic while also “playing the game” because otherwise your shit just does not get seen.
I’m still trying to figure out where I stand with all of it.
I know, it’s been freaking months of me “trying to figure it out.”
I’m just not who I used to be anymore. Or maybe I’m not who I used to pretend to be. I feel like the older I get, the less and the more I know about myself at the same time. All I know is I’m much happier not sharing as much of myself online anymore, and I’m happier (at the moment) not making videos for my channel, and only writing blog posts when I want to.
This blog post feels really good. I don’t think I’ll be writing like my other posts for a while. Maybe I’ll stick to this style.