Must Be Mo

Arizona Lifestyle Blog

Weathering the Storm and Coming Full Circle

Mo CalderonComment
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I want to be nobody.

The image of me floating across the all of space,

untouched.

Safe.

I want to be nobody,

So that there can be no words that harm me,

Only words that touch me.

I am happy as nobody.

- mo calderon


I have decided to un-publish all of my old blog posts that were written “influencer-style.” My blog must look strangely empty now.

“I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

This is a [slightly] modified quote from author Augustin Burroughs that I have tattooed onto me permanently as a reminder. I have never been perfect and I will never be perfect, but I have good intentions. I am hyper aware of every wrong or pseudo-wrong I have done in my life but I try to move forward from them despite my brain’s sometimes overwhelming need to replay them over again times a hundred.

It has been 10 months since I started going through this weird identity crisis and it has been a long journey getting here. I feel normal and I feel happy.

It’s taking me a minute but in the last 10 months I have:

  • Unfollowed influencers on social media and continue to unfollow anyone I begin to toxically compare myself to.

  • Spend minutes per day on Instagram instead of hours

  • Write for the purpose of the words I share now. Not for an excuse to share a pretty picture.

  • Spend less time taking digital photos of myself and more time taking film photos of my friends and our memories.

  • Took pleasure in being “normal” and appreciate my life as is rather than be envious of the glamorous influencer life.

It has been the best thing I have ever done for my mental health. I have struggled for years with my relationship with being a YouTube and a blogger and wanting to become an influencer, I think mostly because it has been a part of my life for so long (I started my firsts YouTube channel 10 years ago now) that I had a hard time letting it go. But I'm here now.



💭 Mo